lumierew

Today the same dogville shit poured onto my face once again, like million times before. I seemed to lack of the ability to learn hash life lessens, no matter how hard the outcome screw me up. Or… maybe it’s just the fact that - the mystery about “people” is never gonna be understood by anyone at all. Throughout the whole (unfortunate) history of human civilization, from the beginning to the end, nobody gets it. Then that’s it.

But seriously, today, I’m kind of annoyed by the repetition of these bullshit pattern: not because of the pain hurts too much or the troublesome outcome too difficult to fix, but because… “Dude, it is kind of… becoming boring this way. Living my limited life like this, not fun any more by any means.” so I figure instead of using my smart brain to figure things out as usual, this time I need some help from those superstitious old fashion magic… then I asked Yuu if he can do a tarot for me to let me know if I’m really cursed at born or not - a question I have been wondering for years. (For a period of time in my grad school days, I seriously thought if Christianity is real, then I’m probably on my way becoming the antichrist person in the Bible story. I joked around about it, while for some reason a couple people really took it serious… so I stopped.)

Yuu said “wat? One card? I prefer the past present future way of 3 cards for Tarot, because that is actually the only way I know how to do tarot.” (Excuse me for my fuzzy memory, it might be some minor mistakes remembering what he said exactly) so I said “3 cards? Hum… how about we do it in the fairytale of sleeping beauty way? Like you pick three cards out, and I give them to three of my friends who are fairies that gave me blessing wishes when I was born, and then you’ll be the witch and you let me know what is the curse.” I mentioned once to Yuu that… after a little research and study on the sleeping beauty fairytale, I made my own conclusion that it was the three pretty wishes inevitably leading the princess to the cursed future. In other words, I consider the three wishes, and the curse are just two sides of a coin, and the fairies and the witch are the same. Well, Yuu did not pay too much attention on my abstract philosophical theory statement as usual, he went to pick the cards instead. What he gave me, was the most horrifyin combination of three tarot cards set I’ve ever seen:

Queen of Swords, reversed.
Seven of Pentacles, reversed.
The Lovers, reversed.

But in this game that I set up, it’s not up to me to enter per the cards because I am now still an infant. What can I do? So I gave the cards to three friends who I know for sure that they want nothing from me, but that I could be happy. And soon after, all three of these morons gave me long and complicated paragraphs to read … which eventually I concluded as simply “wisdom”, “strength” and “courage”. Then I went for Yuu for the curse, and he gave me “sink cost fellacy”.

What can possibly relate this three sincere blessing wishes from my true friends to Yuu’s abstract philosophical concept of curse? Well, I think now I’m gonna sleep for 100 years to have my brain figure y’all itself, then I might be able to wake up and walk the fuck out from this hideous nightmare that I created for myself at the first place.

P.S. I thought Yuu really wants to play the witch character role, since he literally put the word “witch” as a title on his social media page, but meh, in this case, he acted more like Sigurd to Brunhilde, trying his best to understand what’s going on in order to help me cut off Odin’s curse, so that I can be free(and happy) again. Yuu is not a witch. :/ surprisingly. I hope u don’t force ur brother to marry me in the later story, 鱿哥, lol.

Now, sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzz